|
||||||||||
| User: | sheta_kaey (42753) ![Self-committed [paid]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/talk/md10_thumbup.gif){kind=small} I want to believe
but it keeps getting harder |
|||||||||
| Name: | Sheta Kaey | |||||||||
| Website: | Rending the Veil | |||||||||
| Location: | Houston, Texas, United States | |||||||||
| Birthdate: | 03-29 | |||||||||
| E-mail: |
| |||||||||
| Yahoo! ID: | ||||||||||
| Google Talk ID: |
| |||||||||
| Bio: | Profile updated 4 February 2008 Curious about Meridjet and Sheta but can't get on the private IJ's? Add ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif){kind=small} meridjet_feed.  Now fed through http://spiritcompanion.com! or sign up at meridjet_feed.     Things I don't understand and that can really piss me off1 —
1Disclaimer: I acknowledge my utter lack of perfection in anything listed here. Difference is, I keep trying to get better. What irks me most of all is people who don't. About Me, and About This Journal — I'm staring into the darkest Abyss I've ever faced. If I don't make it to the other side, I sometimes believe it doesn't matter at all. This journal does not contain the deeper explorations with regard to this Abyss. Those can be found in ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} aravensane. However, this journal is still Friends Only. This journal does not contain the more intimate details of my life with Meridjet. Those, predictably, are in meridjet, when I have any to post. I used to be more open, but finally learned about keeping my boundaries.I'm known as a spearhead in the occult niche subculture of "spirit companions," a term I coined in 1999. Sometimes, this is rewarding. Sometimes it sucks. My Yahoo icon above does not accurately reflect my online status. I've got my preferences set to hide my online status. I'm usually set to some sort of "Away" if not invisible, and this is because I'm usually busy as hell or otherwise deflecting random taps. I don't really mind talking to people who have a reason to talk to me, but I'm seriously not interested in small talk except as an ice-breaker. So don't tap me to tell me about your cute pets or what you did at the grocery store this morning. From friends, in context, that's fine. But I'm a deep person, and I don't do long-term superficial well. I'm currently undergoing what seems (I hope, anyway) to be the climax of a series of realizations regarding my utter inconsequentiality. After losing a few friends and seeing others fade away, I came to understand that most people come to me for advice and to meet Meridjet (to get advice from him). This is fine. But after a year or two of giving everything I have, these people frequently respond to any need for support on my part by accusing me of selfishness (after all, now I'm taking, not giving) and if they've learned all they feel they need to, it's not something they're willing to "pay." So they fade away, and I'm left feeling abandoned. It's amazing how true this is for most people I've considered close online friends. Naturally, after a while they miss us (or him, and think they miss me) and seek us out again. But they're back to take what we'll give, again, and they don't recall any serious issue with not having the time of day for me during my dark times. I'm learning to resist the temptation to welcome them back with open arms. Maybe eventually, I'll learn not to care that I mean next to nothing to most people I see as friends. Bitter? Yes. But realistic. And I've seen it go so consistently now for several years that it's difficult to believe it'll ever change. I'm not saying I have no friends or that no one appreciates me. But I evidently attach to people on a deeper level than they attach to me, as a general rule. For the friends who persevere and stick by me: I will treasure you always. For the ones who can't be bothered, I suppose I don't have the time of day. So it makes sense for me to set some boundaries. This involves distancing myself so I can see clearly. The yahoo status thing is part of my pulling away. So is leaving LJ. If I don't respond to your every attempt to contact me, you might try to remember what has happened between us that may have wounded me, that perhaps you don't see as a big deal. I figure I'm just a tool for people who need help in adjusting to a strange new experience. I'd love to be proven wrong, but I don't expect it to happen. I'm in recovery, and this profile is part of owning up to that, as well as my personal issues in expressing the pain of feeling abandoned. If this stuff offends you, you should probably move on. "I admit that my visions can never mean to other [people] as much as they do to me. I do not regret this. All I ask is that my results should convince seekers after truth that there is beyond doubt something worthwhile seeking, attainable by methods more or less like mine." — Aleister Crowley "There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking." — Alfred Korzybski  Banner by Kinjou Ten    Refresh to see more phrases.  Art by sheta_kaey. I seem to be improving my Photoshop skills.What do you want to bet no one's still reading? If you made it this far, here's the story: My name is Sheta Kaey and I'm an occultist with a very strange life. I found LiveJournal in 2002 and in 2007 am trying to move due to Six Apart completely ruining the site. You may be familiar with my spirit companion communities both on and off IJ (see below), or you may have found your way here by other means. In either case, please allow me a brief introduction. I'm Senior Managing Editor of Rending the Veil online occult webzine and archive, which I founded with Nicholas Graham (author of The Four Powers). The first issue premiered December 2006. Some excellent people are involved, including authors Donald Tyson and Gerald del Campo, and newer faces on the writing scene, Taylor Ellwood, Lupa, and Nick whom I already mentioned. I am an editor for Megalithica Books, an imprint of Immanion Press (main offices are in the UK). I am also in the midst of writing my first non-fiction work for Megalithica, entitled Spirit Companions (working title). See why, below. I met my spirit companion, Meridjet, in 1994 and I thought I'd lost my mind. Despite my involvement in the occult since puberty and the fact that I was, by then, 33 years old, this was something I'd never heard of and which put me in fear of my sanity. Eventually I found my way online and in 1999 when our relationship took new form I started trying in earnest to find others with similar situations. The search was mostly a failure. I met author Donald Tyson and a couple of other people but nothing really panned out. So I elected to start my own group to hopefully attract others to me. The first community I formed languished in relative obscurity for a couple of years. Then for reasons unknown it suddenly exploded into a frenzy of activity as people seemed to emerge from the proverbial woodwork. By then I was on LiveJournal and was finally convinced by a friend to create the community now found here. People found the first community via the second, it all snowballed, and now collectively there are several hundred people involved. Not a huge number but it's considerable growth in a short time for an obscure issue. To top it all off, I am a skeptic at heart and have a fondness for evidence. This is not to say I've never made a mistake, never projected anything, never been fooled by someone faking evidence or validation. But I keep very good records, of which this journal is one, and I never purge them or edit them (except to make a formerly visible entry private or vice versa) to reflect a change in attitude, as I feel that this is dishonest and invalidates the record. I like to be able to see my progress, and to know where I've made mistakes in the past, as well as to review my successes. Being a skeptic means that I'm not going to swallow anyone's story immediately. I do, however, try to keep an open mind unless you trigger my bullshit alarms in a serious way. My empathy is excellent and I can read energy signatures directly, via video, via email, via chat, and via proxy (meaning I can read an SC via their human partner). I cannot read energy via chat on cell phones, via photo (or not well), or via telephone (not well). I am extremely sensitive, but I have definitely been fooled by people who've trained themselves to work with empathics. This is rapidly changing as I study to regain my edge. I am open-minded, again, and willing to stretch my paradigm. I have no issues whatsoever with people living their own lives as they see fit, including embracing whatever delusions rock their boats, but I will only stretch my operative paradigm as seems warranted by my personal growth... however it happens regularly, and I like to think of myself as generally flexible. I welcome contact and will help in any way I can but keep in mind that I do have personal boundaries and I will maintain them, and that I am very busy a great deal of the time. If you want to contact me, please do -- but realize that I can be as absent-minded as anyone (even worse!) and that I may require a nudge, or I may not have time to chat with everyone every day, and so forth. Patience is extended but also required in return. In the beginning, Meridjet was my lover and my friend. After we were together 2 years he departed (I thought permanently) and underwent a great deal of trial and training to both process his life (we Thelemites call this series of trials in particular "Crossing the Abyss") and to learn how to use his strengths for our mutual growth. After his return in 1999, he became a sort of pumped-up guide for me, and over time he has grown to be guide to many others... via internet instant messaging. LOL. He has done everything from giving advice to saving lives, and he works his ass off. If you come to know us, don't be surprised if he shows up some afternoon to check you out. Add Meridjet to your interests list! My InsaneJournal Communities: ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} spiritcompanionrendingtheveilthelematarotspectivephasewalkingicon_asylumThese are not active yet. Stay tuned. My Yahoo groups: Spirit Companion (since March 2001) and Tamarisk Crescent (since June 1999), a magick list. Rending the Veil staff and contributors list.  This is a good depiction. ;-) ""They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea." — Sir Francis Bacon "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe." — Laurence J. Peter "The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind." — William James "An optimistic mindset finds dozens of possible solutions for every problem that the pessimist regards as incurable." — Robert Anton Wilson "The first step to expanding your reality is to discard the tendency to exclude things from possibility." — Meridjet "When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as our fate." — Carl Jung "Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning, a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable." — Bruce Lee "The Tao is that which never acts yet leaves nothing undone." — Tao Te Ching "First there is a mountain. Then there is no mountain. Then there is." — Zen koan "A teacher is never a giver of truth - he is a guide, a pointer to the truth that each student must find for himself. A good teacher is merely a catalyst." — Bruce Lee "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle." — e.e. cummings "Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless." — Jamie Paolinetti "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." — Kahlil Gibran | |||||||||
| Interests: | 137: alligator totems, altered states of consciousness, alternate realities, analyzing potential, anomalies in reality, asking too many questions, astral projection, astrology, ball-jointed dolls, beading, blackbirds, bliss, books, bruce campbell, civil liberties, clairsentience, cold weather, commitment, compassion, computers, connecting, consciousness, crows, d/s, deja vu, divine justice, dream symbology, editing, empathy, energy exchange, energy manipulation, epiphany, equal human rights, ethics, evidence, evolutionary milestones, expanding my reality, free speech, gardening, gemstones, genuine people, gnosis, gratitude, great blue herons, halloween, hands, hga, illumination, infinite love, infp, initiation, inventing terminology, invocation, johnny depp, jungian psychology, kali, kundalini, lucid dreaming, magick, make it so, meridjet, meridjet's eyebrows, metaphysics, movies, mystical experiences, mysticism, naked cuddling, nonverbal communication, occult, optimism, ordeal work, osho zen tarot, pain, paradigms, paradox, parapsychology, pathworking, perception, perseverance, personal boundaries, phasewalking, photoshop, piracy, processing, psychoanalysis, psychology, qabalah, quaker parrots, quantum consciousness, ravens, rending the veil, repeating events, resisting conformity, ritual in dreams, sacred sex, scrying, self-analysis, self-transformation, sex with spirits, sexual healing, shakti, shamanism, spin, spirit companions, spirits, stray animal rescue, strength training, subjective reality, subtle planes, subtle senses, surviving amerika, synaesthesia, synchronicity, synchronized phasewalking interactive network, talking boards, tao, tarot, tattoos, the crow, the fool, the great work, the little things, the matrix, thelema, tom robbins, touching the infinite, trance, transmutation, tropical aquariums, trust, unspoken mutual understanding, validation, vulnerability, web design, writing, xkcd, ∞♥ | |||||||||
| Schools: | Portsmouth High School - Portsmouth, OH Colonial High School - Orlando, FL (1976 - 1977) Channelview High School - Channelview, TX (1978 - 1979) Shawnee State University - Portsmouth, OH (1985 - 1986) | |||||||||
| Friends: | ||||||||||
| Mutual Friends: | 33: _anotherqp, _vii_, allati, aravensane, aspiritsong, aydira, blue_rose, brigidsblest, catvincent, cgjung, clare_dragonfly, davensjournal, deadguyofchoice, fannyfae, jadedinsc, kermie157, lovebyelise, lupabitch, meridjet, mint_heaven, mumyo_ken, rens_sanctuary, romulus214, sheta_kaey, sol_et_luna, spirit_wolf, starlancer, sunfell, sunkitty, techno_goddess, teriel, udja, wyldraven | |||||||||
| Also Friend of: | 2: dydan, spirit_gal | |||||||||
| Member of: | 28: 07refugees, asylum_promo, awaits_ooc, circle_cast, dark_christian, dear_you, disaster_ready, dot_pagan_snark, fandom_counts, friendly_trolls, gardening, icon_asylum, ideas, journalwhore, nonfic_prompt, paganism, pagans, phasewalking, premium_users, psychology101, rendingtheveil, ritual_magick, shortness, soulbonding, spiritcompanion, tarotspective, thefridayfive, thelema | |||||||||
| Account type: | Permanently Insane | |||||||||
